she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
