I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
