My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
