So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize