I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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