he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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