And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
