I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
