I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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