I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
