i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You took a bar mat shot.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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