the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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