i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
