Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
there was a trapeze. enough said
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
