Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
