eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
