You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
