The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
