there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
