she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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