I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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