The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
