I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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