And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
