The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
