Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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