you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
