Pants 0. Shit 1.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
