apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
