You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
