Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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