i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
