I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sobbing to NWA
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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