I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
