hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
