Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
