Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
