it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
two words: eviction party
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
