i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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