I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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