I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize