.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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