just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
