is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
