Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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