Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm passing your future prison.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
