I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
