i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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