Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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