my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
