I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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