are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
