I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
