You smell like a Billy Joel song
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
