yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
