Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize