Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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