Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
