He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
