Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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