Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
