no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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