its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
