It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
