I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
