i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
