we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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