dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
