did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
