I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
