Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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