i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
