so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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