Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize