I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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