thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
