She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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