yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
